“What a Tanker” by the Two Fat Lardies rules might be frustrating, if you are of the mind, should you be playing with others as you NEVER get the dice you want and so, it is usually move or not move and still get blown-up. Well, my experience anyway. However, it is a delightful platform for interesting solo play narrative. You can cheer for both sides, trying to have each tank do the right moves. As you own both tanks, you shouldn’t really care who wins….
Those familiar with these rules, I added the ‘technical’ parts of the action. Those who just want to read the narrative can ignore the [ ] with each move.
Russian t34/85 Armour 8, Strike 8
Geman StuG III G Armour 7, Strike 7
Onto the game:
.....sometime after October 1943 in the Russian village of Okcorralska.....
“Hans, go out and have a look around the village and…..Where did he come from?!!”. the commander of the brand new StuG III G exclaimed. He was looking at a T34/85 which had just come around a house across the dirt road right in front of him and was swivelling the large turret his way. [moved and acquired].
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But the StuG’s crew were already in action. The gunner said, “acquired!” and was making the finite aiming of the 75mm gun. The gun was already loaded [per the rules for all at start of the game]. “Fire!”, the commander roared [Wild Die changed to Shoot]. But the gunner seemed more frazzled that he thought. the round missed the Russian tank completely. [failed to hit by the roll]. “Reload”, the commander barked.
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| The German StuG in the foreground, the Russian t34/85 in the background |
The Russian crew were determined [good command dice sequence!] They fired. The concussion forced the German TD back a few feet but the round did not penetrate. [even hits vs saves = movement back by target]
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The German gunner had already re-aimed, pulled the trigger and the loader put in another round. “We hit him... but not that hard, I think” said the German commander [ 2 Command Dice lost to the Russian]. Try our luck or get out now? the German commander was thinking as he had three Drive dice left. But he was in a tank-destroyer without turret and so a cat-and-mouse game was not good for him. “We’ll stay”
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The Russian moved back a bit and it’s turret made a subtle move but didn’t fire [ at only four Command Dice he did have a Drive Die which was used to break the aim of the StuG while the Russian re-aimed at the German].
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The German gunner was pleased as he could quickly re-aim and carefully toggled the fine aim pointer [ three Aim Dice allowing re-aiming and a plus two on the hit dice!] “Schiess!” exclaimed the German commander; but perhaps “scheiss” would have been more appropriate, as the round bounced off the Kharkov iron. “At least we can reload”, the dejected German added.
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The Russian driver revved the T34’s diesel. [ I rolled three Drive - 1s of course - and a Wild Dice for the Russian Command’s reduced four Command Dice ]. The Russian thought, ‘Sure, we have a turret, the Fascist does not. Let’s get around on his flank”
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The StuG in response could only engage reverse and pivot. But it was important as it kept the Russian in sight and its heaviest armour in the front facing the Russian
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The T34 managed a shot which hit hard on the StuG. [it now also lost two Command Dice]
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The StuG reversed to more open ground as not to give the Russian another end-around; also breaking his aim.
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The Russian was still. The crew trying to come up with a plan. [ no useful dice this turn!]
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The German got another round off but this merely glanced off without effect. But another round was loaded [the #5 Load Die showed up!]
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The Russian was frustrated but at least the loader would get another round into his 85mm.
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The German fired and reloaded again. “What is with this slave-made ammo!” Again, the German shell hit but did not make but a scar on the Russian armour. [fewer hits than saves!]
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The Russian crew came to life. The gunner aimed and fired and loader quickly did his job. They did not wait to see the result but fired again. [ Fire Dice, Reload Dice and Fire Dice again] With a differential of three dice on the second shot, the German StuG was obliterated.
The Russians did not celebrate. They were too emotionally drained. It was 8 turns of intense action. Perhaps half-hour of play? Historically, what, three minutes?
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Epilogue: Just had to try out David’s fine 3D print of a mid-war StuG III G that came in action in October 1943 with its distinctive rounded ‘Saukopf” gun mantle. The flat side armour (I added these in plastic) was to deal with the Russian Anti-Tank Rifles which, with the effort the Germans made in this regard, must have been a real threat.